Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They took my balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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