So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
