they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
