I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
