You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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