I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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