I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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