Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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