My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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