I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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