i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
