so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well you can't waste a boner
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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