The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
