Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
