yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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