My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
