Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
