Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
