the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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