Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
