i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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