brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
