people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
