Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
