Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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