WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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