i need an iv and a liver transplant
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
