well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
