like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need water and some morals
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
