everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
