I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.