I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
