I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.