you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.