Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
