It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.