I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
