if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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