I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
