I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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