Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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