i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Drake has all the answers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
