is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
