i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
