I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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