I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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