I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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