I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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