No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
