I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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