i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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