it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
