I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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