If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
