Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
