You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
