R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
