Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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