Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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