Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
