Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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