Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Actions speak louder than pants.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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