I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
