A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
