I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
