Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
