: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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