Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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