I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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