"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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