just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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