If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
