Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
