Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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