Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
